Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
