I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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