what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
