I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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