I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
