who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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