Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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