does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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