woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
