It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
