OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
