so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
