dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
