Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Me too!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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