Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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