She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize