I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
