We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
