I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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