just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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