remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We need a shit load of segways right now
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
