booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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