2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
