im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
