I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
