just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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