You're completely useless in the revolution.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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