I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
