Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
