why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
