Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he was CRYING into my vagina
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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