i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
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Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
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You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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