I wish I could punch you in the face.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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