I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
