Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
