I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
