Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
