After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
