I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
