is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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