I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
