He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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