On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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