If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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