this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
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Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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