PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
