god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
