I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
