Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
