his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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