if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
