I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
