If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
