my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wish you could order shots online.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
