Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
