is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
