I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He kissed a someone with a penis
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
