I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Its about making memories worth repressing
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We need to rekindle our bromance
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
