So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
