Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
