there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
