When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
