in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
