OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
