I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
