I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
false alarm, still single
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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