I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
