quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
