can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
