Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
