I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
