Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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