Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
