She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
