Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
