what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
