i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
