If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
